More bread and circuses required

At a time in Britain's history when our collected chins are on the floor and the Scots are looking for the fire escape, now would seem like a good time to launch a credible fourth party: a party that would deflate the worryingly ascending Farage balloon. The Let's Have a Party party - less food banks and reality TV, more bread and circuses. A party that believes we should be laughing at Vic and Bob, not Cameron and Clegg. Of course the name would need to be worked on. But the monikers of the three major players on the current leader-board haven't really stood the test of time, have they? And as for policies, well quite clearly they're not necessary. A ten second sound bite or maybe just a 500 word blog will suffice.

And how would we start this new political force to be reckoned with? Well, I'd suggest political inertness. We would start by laughing at anybody who claimed he or she represented anyone other than themselves. With turnouts for recent elections peaking at less than 35% and a Prime Minister in office that nobody remembers voting for, it's quite clearly time to ask our potential candidates to run around their local town hall wearing their shoes on the wrong feet and seeing who could do it in the best time. Thus ensuring we would get a better standard of politician than we have now.

We'd do away with Policy Units and Think Tanks but, as Father Ted once said to Dougal, you've got to follow up a big idea with lots of little ideas. Anybody got an envelope? Or a fag packet?